I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. So I find this law at work: Although I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God’s law; but I see another law at work in me, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within me. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body that is subject to death? Thanks be to God, who delivers me through Jesus Christ our Lord!
–Romans 7.15-25 (NIV)
Unless the LORD had given me help,
I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death.
When I said, “My foot is slipping,”
your unfailing love, LORD, supported me.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.–Psalm 94.17-19 (NIV)
Anyone who takes his or her faith and the season of Lent seriously will instinctively relate to what Paul writes in the passage above because Paul powerfully and poignantly laments the futility of self-help in trying to overcome our body of sin. Anyone who has tried to put to death that within her that weighs her down and prevents her from having the kind of relationship with God that her heart desires, understands that Paul is spot on in his analysis of the human condition. We are thoroughly infected by sin and our sin keeps us separated from and alienated toward God. It is a wearisome and hopeless picture Paul that acknowledges.
That is why our Lenten disciplines are so hard to pursue. By God’s grace and through his Spirit living in us, part of us longs for a restored relationship with him, one in which we acknowledge God is God and we are not, and we act accordingly. But part of us, our fallen part, wants nothing to do with this and wages war against our efforts to deny ourselves, take up our cross everyday, and follow Jesus. This business of dying to self is hard and frustrating, and it can lead us to despair if we are not careful.
But it is precisely when we are tempted to fall into despair that we must remember that the Christian faith is not about self-help. Yes, we must do our part to maintain our relationship with God. We must be ruthless on ourselves and exert the needed effort to kill that within us that keeps us hostile toward God. We must be merciless on ourselves when it comes to self-examination. But we do not do this on our own. As Paul acknowledges at the end of his passage and as the Psalmist acknowledges, we have help in our fight against the evil in us that keeps us separated from God. We have the very help of God himself, living in us through his Holy Spirit. And this must bring us hope and strengthen us to persevere as we wage our lifelong war to put to death our fallen nature.
Does this mean that we will always be successful in our efforts to rid ourselves of our body of sin? Hardly. We are profoundly broken, even with God’s Spirit living within us. And because God loves us and has created us with the ability to make moral decisions we have the freedom to sometimes choose the dark over the light, even when part of us doesn’t want to do that. But fear not. The God who loves us so much that he became human and died for us so that he could bear the just punishment for our sins will not let go of us if we cry out to him for help. As the writer of Hebrews reminds us, because Jesus was fully human he understands our weaknesses and stands ready to help us overcome them on multiple levels (Hebrews 4.14-16).
The season of Lent is the time in our Christian calendar where we take seriously our discipleship and are intentional in removing the barriers that diminish it. It is hard work and there are many setbacks along the way. But take heart and hope. We have God’s promise to be with us, to forgive us and pick us up when we stumble and fall. And when God is with us as he promised to be (see, e.g. the beginning and end of Matthew’s Gospel), we have legitimate hope. We have legitimate power to overcome our rebelliousness so that we can have the kind of relationship with God that he wants us to have. And when that happens, whether it comes suddenly or gradually, you will find the kind of meaning and purpose in life that nothing in the entire creation can destroy.
If you are looking for that kind of life, if you are looking for unconditional love and acceptance, or if you are looking for a love that refuses to leave you where you are because there is so much more to be had, then give your heart and mind to the Lord who loves you and gave himself for you. It will be the best (and hardest) thing you can ever do for yourself.